


it's a slow cinnamon summer

by leadbitter



Series: a guilty place [1]
Category: Original Work
Genre: F/F, Romance, Small Towns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-11
Updated: 2017-04-11
Packaged: 2018-10-17 18:49:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10600020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leadbitter/pseuds/leadbitter
Summary: they’re circling around the roads pointlessly because they’re only going to taywell beach and they could’ve just walked there but the thrill is the only thing keeping them alive.that’s their thing; recklessness. libby’s gripping the steering too tight, luke’s screaming in delight, leaning on harry, and megan, well, she’s never felt more real.





	

**Author's Note:**

> classic teenager summer story that's lowkey based off an emmerdale fic I read and loved.  
> also loads of vague references to people that don't a role in this but do in other things I've written for this same world that one day I might post
> 
> title from cinnamon by JOME

The first time Megan kisses Libby, her hands are sweaty and her lips are dry. They’ve just pulled one over on Faith of all people, and Megan’s high on it. The air around her is buzzing, and it’s Libby, all right? It’s Libby.

Libby, who’s staring at her, eyes wide.

“Sorry.” Megan blurts out.

“Just cause my brother’s gay, doesn’t mean I am,” Libby says. “Besides you and Harry- “

They’re off for the moment, but Megan doesn’t have the energy to explain that off for the moment isn’t off like, she’s just hurt his feelings and he’s hurt hers and they’ll be back together before either of them know it; its off like she took a bus into Newquay and went to a Youth Pride meeting and something in her bones clicked.

“I’m not a _lesbian_ ,” Libby says. “I mean I know I like playing football and I always punch people for ya cause Harry and Luke are shit at that, but it doesn’t mean- “ but she’s looking at Megan, her eyes shining in the summer sun, and there’s something curious about the curve of her lips.

“Doesn’t have to mean anything,” Megan says. “We’re mates.”

“You sure?” Libby says drifting closer to Megan like a moth to a flame. “I don’t want things getting weird.”

“They won’t.” Megan promises, instead of _they already are_ , instead of _I dreamt about you last night._

Libby nods and leans in.

Libby does everything in short bursts, brilliant, impulsive, like a star exploding. Of course that’s how she’d kiss.

_

Megan doesn’t know when Libby became her best friend. It was somewhere between The Fire Alarm Incident, told to Megan by a very confused Harry, and Libby having to carry Megan out of the local holiday park, both of them piss-drunk, because Megan had accidently set one of the empty caravans on fire. (Megan still had the scar from where her leg caught the fence. It was fucking mental. Honestly, what did anyone expect?)

Libby’s just- she’s easy to get. Not for most people, who look at Libby and see the fuck-off track tops and the footie boots, switched out with barely-there miniskirts and slinky crop tops when they sneak into town, and think she’s some kind of dangerous, but for Megan she’s an open book, easy.

Megan doesn’t know the first time she thought about kissing Libby. What she does know, is that she’s been dreaming about it for months and the idea of it - Libby holding her hand, Libby kissing her – feels as vivid and real as anything else.

Here’s the thing about Libby – she does everything in bright, blinding bursts.

Megan thinks long term, and where she’ll get that from. It’s not her dad and, for obvious reasons, not her mum.

Libby, though, might surprise her.

_

 _Staying at Libby’s 4 the night_ , Megan texts, but in the end, it’s a pointless tradition. Her dad doesn’t make much of an effort anymore; guilt about mum, guilt about Johnny, guilt about Lily. This village is more likely to drown in guilt than the sea, like the news people keep saying. It was suffocating. Sometimes, Megan thought about packing a bag, getting the bus and leaving forever.

It’s pitch-black by the time they get to Libby’s house. It’s like time is nothing when they are together.

Inside, Danny, who is Libby’s brother’s boyfriend slash best friend slash whatever terms they’re on this week, is asleep on the sofa, drowned by a blanket that Jake probably chucked at him in frustration. His face is scrunched up; he and Jake must have had an argument. Again.

Libby puts a finger up to her lips but Megan knows the drill. Like she said, this is a common occurrence.

They creep up the stairs to Libby’s room on the far right.

Megan holds back in the doorway. “What’s ‘e done this time, eh?”

Libby shrugs. “Dunno. Sommit dodgy probs.”

Megan laughs. “How’s he always gettin’ caught?”

Libby rummages through her drawers; she fishes out a Plymouth Argyle t-shirt and tosses it at Megan. “He does what he wants I s’pose. ‘sides, it’s a good cover for me. If Danny wants to take that aggro, he can have it. ”

Megan shimmies out of her school skirt and pulls her socks off, then turns around and unbuttons her shirt. Drops her bra on the floor and kicks it in with the rest of her clothes. She pulls the t-shirt down over her head and turns around.

Normally, she would get right in next to Libby and comfy herself, crammed right by the wall. Instead, she hung back, arms wrapped round her stomach.

Libby shuffles around in her bed, face smushed into the pillow. “Hurry up and get in.”

“Just gettin’ the light.” Megan says, defensively.

Libby’s toes brush her leg. Her heart’s going a mile a minute.

“Think quieter.” Libby says.

“You got it.”

This is safety, she decides.

_

Harry and Megan understand each other, mainly. They did hate each other for a good chunk of time, but its small village and they were always going to end up together. It was like being made of elastic, the way they leave and come back to each other.

It’s sort of nice, Megan thinks, sometimes, knowing Harry was just around the corner, always at the shop. (When he wasn’t gallivanting around Bristol four and a half hours away, that is.)

Harry is who Megan went to when her mum smashed up the living room and threatened to burn the house down.

Harry is the one who was there when her mum was dragged out by the police, kicking and screaming. Just how she had always said she’d go.

Harry isn’t like Libby and Luke and Megan. He doesn’t wear his damage like a coat of armour, not now. He makes Megan feel like she doesn’t need to lash out and in return, Megan has someone to protect.

_

They stagger down for breakfast, bags thrown over shoulders, dressed in a sparse school uniform, too hot for tights and jumpers. Megan’s hair looks a state, but she thinks she’s put on just enough makeup to balance it out. Libby wanders aimlessly into the living room.

“Oi Megs,” Jake says. “Didn’t know you stayed over.”

Jake and Danny are sat on opposite sides of the table but Jake’s lips look swollen, which means they’ve made up enough for a snog but haven’t properly forgiven each other yet. Megan thinks it’s probably embarrassing that she’s been over enough times to know this kind of thing.

“It was a late one,” Megan replies, grabbing a mug from the cupboard to make a coffee. “and we were coming this way so there wasn’t much point in goin’ home.”

Libby emerges from the living room triumphant, clutching her phone in one hand. She shakes out a bowl of cereal and perches herself on the worktop with a spoon.

“Libby,” Jake starts. Libby looks up from where she was munching on dry cereal. “I had Faith calling earlier. She was asking ‘bout her BMW.”

“Oh yeah?” Libby says. “Has she drove it off the cliff yet then?”

Danny chokes on his toast laughing. Jake glares at him.

“She reckons,” He continues. “That’s it’s been nicked.”

“Uh, alright?” Libby replies, rolling her eyes. “Do I care though? Do I really? _She’s an alcoholic nutter”_

“Come on Libs. She’s alright.” Danny says.

Libby glares at him.

Jake squints at her. “You’re not gettin’ that she thinks you swiped it? No? Alright then. Well I asked her what she thought she was doing with a decent car round ‘ere and that shut her right up.”

“Cheers Jakey,” Libby says somewhat genuinely. “Maybe now I’ll tell whats-her-name down the road that you’re not that bad.” She snatches a bag of hula-hoops up from the side. “C’mon Megs, we gotta go.”

Danny chuckles. “Where would you be going to?”

Sneaky Danny.

“Uh, school.” Libby says, smirking ever so slightly. Nice one. “It’s a Friday, yeah? That’s means school.”

“Since when?”

Megan’s met her and Libby and, honestly, she can’t blame him.

“Since for-fucking-ever. Can we go now, dickhead?”

Jake tips his head back and rubs his eyes. He really should get paid for this. “Get the fuck out Libs.”

“Happy to.” Libby says.

Megan shrugs her bag onto her shoulder and they squeeze out the door together.

“See ya later!” Jake calls after them. “And be good!”

Libby turns to look at Megan. “Shoot me if I get like that.”

Megan smiles. “Not if you do me first.”

_

Luke moved in with Libby and Jake for, like, two months, three years ago. There was some messed up business with Chris and Faith and Lucy and maybe arson? Megan never really got the full story. Libby tried eavesdropping, but even Jake and Danny didn’t seem to know much.  Anyway, it was enough.

Luke and Libby have a lot in common, Megan supposes: no dad, fucked-up mum, Connellys. Libby and Luke are mates in the kind of way that siblings are, but siblings that like each other. Sometimes Megan thinks that Luke could stab someone and she wouldn’t give a fuck.

Connellys are mental, is what Harry said when Megan was confused about their questionable morals. They’re thick. They’re criminals. He wasn’t exactly wrong. Connelly family gatherings are always interesting; someone might get stabbed or shot or chucked off the cliff at the end of the road but in the end, they all felt a weird kind of loyalty to each other.

Connelly loyalty was a twisted, bastardised thing that got really fucking confusing when you couldn’t remember if someone was related to you or not. It gave Megan a headache and she wasn’t even a Connelly.

Luke’s all right, anyway. Megan didn’t have much to do with him until Libby did, then he became a constant. He and Harry were friends, but that was more being two boys in a tiny, dangerous Cornish village than actual affinity. He’s a bit of a disaster, but what Connelly isn’t, and it was expected with Faith as a mum. He’s a right laugh and he’s definitely the one you go to if you want something illegal done. He’s got bright blonde hair and one time he smashed into Charlie Johnson at school because he was up in Megan’s face, even though they weren’t really friends at that point.

Megan likes that someone’s there to punch for Harry. He tries, bless him, but he’s too soft for it. Luke protecting him is comforting.

So yeah, he’s all right. Not that she’d ever tell him that.

_

Harry is waiting for them by the bus stop, his tie loosely knotted, backpack slung over his shoulder. “A’ight lads.” He greets. It’s July, so his nose is freckled. “I brought food.”

Libby pulls her phone out of her pocket and swipes her thumb across the screen. “It’s Luke.” She says as an explanation. “Oi mate, what’s up?” She walks to the rhythm of her voice. She gets all animated when she’s on the phone.

Harry drifts behind with Megan, bumping shoulders.

“All right?” He says.

“Kissed Libs last night.” Megan answers, bundling and unbundling the bottom of her shirt.

“Oh yeah?” Harry raises his eyebrows. “How’d that go?”

“Dunno.” Megan says. “Guess I’m probably bi though.”

“That’s something innit?” Harry says. “And – Libby?”

“I actually dunno H.” Megan shrugs. “Like she’s me best mate and that and like I thought I could read her but maybe this changes everything.” They crunch through a field of dry grass. “This ain’t weird for ya, right?”

Harry laughs softly. “C’mon Megs, this is Taywell. Don’t be thick.”

Something in her eases. “Fairs.”

_

The BMW is parked out behind Crykes. Luke is sat cross-legged on the bonnet in his stupid sunglasses and unzipped Ellesse track top that he probably got on sale in town. For once there’s no gel in his hair and Megan thinks she likes him better like this, when he’s softer, when he’s not trying to fight half the village. Not that she’d ever tell him that of course.

They’re only allowed one soft member of the group or it’ll get too much.

Libby jumps up next to Luke, bumping their knees together. Libby and Luke are close, which is weird to Megan, who’s just fucking _done_ with Ollie and Ollie’s, like, her actual brother.

“Mum’s gone mental.” Luke says, smirking. “Can’t tell Chris nothing, can she? Supposed to be on the level.”

“Good thing.” Libby grins. “Jake’s sniffin’ but I texted Issy and she said she’d liquor him up and make him forgot everythin’ and Danny don’t give a shit so we’re in the clear.”

Fucking Connellys.

“We’re a good team.” Megan says. “Good sources.”

“Your welcome.” Luke says smugly. “Pawn some money off it in Newquay tomorrow, if ya want it.”

“Gives us a whole day.” Harry says. Harry, who is usually the least happy about they’re scheming. Megan’s favourite activity is getting a slagging off James Maddox for leading Harry astray

“Oi.” Megan says. “No perving.” She slides her bag off her back and fishes around for the change of clothes – a t-shirt and shorts.

“Yeah, yeah, wouldn’t dream of it.” Says Harry, rolling his eyes.

“I’ll keep a lookout.” Luke adds, and they all get changed in the middle of that field.

Libby looks over at Megan as she pulls her school shirt over her head.

Megan winks. “We’re car thieves now. How does that feel?”

“Oi.” Says Harry. “Innocent here.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Megan grins, throwing her little school skirt at him. “Keep telling yourself that, lover.”

_

Luke’s the best driver out of all of them, which isn’t saying much because Luke treats the rules of the road like he treats most obstacles; as something to run at with sufficient force and impressive speed. They put the roof down and Harry says, “If we die, this is on you,” and Luke smiles at him and says, “That sounds fair,” and puts his foot down.

The sun’s bright and the music’s loud and Megan pulls down the car mirror and paints on her brightest red lipstick. She feels like she could fight the world. With a car this fast and friends this good, that’s easy.

With Libby.

Libby, who keeps looking at her out of the corner of her eye. Little flashes. Like a fish in a creek in high summer, darting around your ankles. Close enough to touch; then gone again.

_

It’s a beautiful day. Hot and dry, the sun all the way up and streaming down Megan’s shoulders and Libby’s bright hair.

They get out onto the open road and Luke pulls over and says, “Libs, d’you wanna go?” And of course Libby does, so they screech down the road too fucking fast and Megan hangs out the window, yelling, because she can and she feels so happy that she could burst.

_

They’re circling around the roads pointlessly because they’re only going to Taywell beach and they could’ve just walked there but the thrill is the only thing keeping them alive.

That’s their thing; recklessness. Libby’s gripping the steering too tight, Luke’s screaming in delight, leaning on Harry, and Megan, well, she’s never felt more real.

_

Megan does love Ollie. He’s hers. Her little brother; hers to keep forever, hers to be horrible to. But she loves him in a complicated way, not like Libby and Luke and their bare loyalty. Maybe more like how Libby loves Jake, even though she lies to him to protect him and they row all the time because he does the same for her.

She thought he was just a burden for the longest time, but Ollie’s little and they don’t have the same Dad, see?

But they have this one thing in common, their Mum. This used to make Megan feel sick and angry and maybe that’s why she can’t stand to be in the same room with him for as long as she should.

They say that you get closer during times of crisis, but sometimes you just don’t.

He’s her brother and she loves him, but they don’t live in the same world, and that’s how it has to be.

_

Taywell beach is sunny, beautiful and packed, even though it’s a school day. Harry chucks around crisps and coke and Libby and Megan go get some cans with Libby’s fake and they stretch out on the sand and dare each other to go into the water.

Libby’s getting sunburnt.

Megan reaches over and pokes her nose. “You’re burning.” She says.

“I’m just that hot.” Libby grins, and leans forward –

They’re kissing, soft and gentle and their noses bumping together. Libby tastes like beer and sour cherries and when Megan reaches down, Libby’s hand is there to meet hers.

There are people all around them but Megan doesn’t care anymore because they don’t matter.

“This is nice.” Libby says. “I didn’t know it could be like this.”

“We’re best mates,” Megan says, because it’s the only way to explain it.

Libby nods and kisses her again.

“Oi,” Harry says. “We got ice cream.”

Libby jumps, but doesn’t pull away.

Megan rolls her eyes at him, but takes her ice cream. Strawberry, her favourite. “Knew we kept you around for something.”

_

Most of the crowd are gone now; it’s just the four of them sat on this stretch of beach. Luke’s pulled a bottle of vodka out of somewhere and they’re passing it around; all of them sat on a big piece of driftwood.

Megan has three missed calls from her dad.

She turns her phone off.

_

“Issy had a girlfriend once,” says Luke. “Remember? Danny’s sister, Leila. It was a shitstorm”

“Ha!” Harry says, twisting towards Megan. “You and Libs have some backwards relations after all!”

“Piss off H.” Megan says, only half-jokingly. “You ain’t funny.”

She felt Libby tense beside her.

Harry just smiles.

Realistically, Megan knows that kissing girls and going to jail aren’t actually linked anymore. And Leila’s mainly fine now, got a girlfriend and always hanging about with Danny.

“Anyway,” Luke says. “I reckon Libs is a lot less sloppy than Issy. She fucks up all the time.”

“What?” Libby replies. “And I only fuck up some of the time?”

“All right, all right,” Luke says, holding his hands up. “Just trying to help.”

Libby shakes head. “Do one.”

“Leila’s fit.” Luke says. “See her round all the time. People always say she’s a right slag, mind.”

“Who? Jack and Aaron?” Harry says, shaking his head. “Stop perving on Danny’s sister. This is why Celeste Evans punched ya.”

“She did that cause she’s right up herself.” Luke grumbles. “Dunno why I bothered.”

“Cause she’s a nine and you’re a five and you were hoping, weren’t ya?” Harry says.

“Ouch.” Megan says.

Luke tackles him and they roll around in the sand, drunk, for a bit until they get tired and just lie there.

Libby leans into Megan’s side and Libby sighs and presses a kiss to Megan’s jaw.

“We okay, yeah?” She says, twisting her head up to look at Megan.

“Yeah.” Megan says. “I am if you are.”

“Yeah.” Libby says. “Megan – “

“I’m fine.” Megan says. “Promise.”

_

When Megan was twelve, they moved into Renly Farm and Megan thought she would at least get a new bike out of it.

Instead, she gets stuck with a shit step-brother and a massive dog that always pissed on the carpet. And all that would have been all right, except: Megan’s mum had a breakdown and they found out she was mental.

So that’s something.

_

They sober up and empty into the car.

“Could go home.” Libby says. Her mascaras smudged under her eyes and her hair is curling from the salt. Megan’s kissed her so many times, she feels like she’s in a dream.

“Rather not.” Luke says. He’s lying sideways in the back, with his head resting in Harry’s lap. Harry is stroking his hair.

“Yeah,” Megan says. “D’you - how about Croft?” Croft Cottage was burned down last year and it was abandoned, but the garden’s still there and its massive and they have a tent hid in the trees.

(She’d lost her virginity to Harry in that tent. It was a messed up time. Except it was _Harry Maddox_ and she does love him. But then Ronnie tried fighting James and had a heart attack and – mess basically.)

“Still got a couple Thatchers out there,” Harry says. “and some marshmallows, probably.”

“As long as Faith don’t kill us,” Libby says. “Eh, Luke?”

“Fuck off. She still thinks I’m useless,” Luke says, faintly bitter like always. “bets she’s off at Scott’s throat again.”

“I wouldn’t take that on.” Libby says, smirking. She meets his eyes in the mirror.

Megan rolls her eyes at Harry; he rolls his back.

She used it would be cool having sketchy parents that weren’t completely mental. Then she became friends with Luke and Libby.

_

They drive around the wrecks of Croft and park the car behind the big oak tree. They’re not amateurs; they wipe the car of prints. Croft is just outside the village, at the bottom of a long lane with no surrounding houses; the chances of them being seen are really unlikely.

It’s late. The moon is up.

Harry kneels to build up the kindling. Noah fetches the tent from the trees, sets it up.

Libby pulls out a cigarette and lights up. “D’you want one?”

Megan ponders. “Go on then.” She takes Libby’s, though, and blows smoke gently into her face.

Not quite a kiss, but still.

_

Libby and Luke go to collect more wood; the fires burning low. They probably want to talk about selling the car in town tomorrow, out of Harry’s earshot so he doesn’t get skittish. Megan isn’t sure how they plan on getting this around Faith, but she’s sure they’ll figure something out.

“Megs,” Harry says, feeding the fire carefully.

“I wish my mum was dead,” Megan says, poking the bottom of the fire with a stick.

“Dad says you could come round for tea,” Harry says. “but I said probably not.”

“Cheers,” Megan says. “I’d reconsider if you get Chloe to do that thing with the bacon.”

“You’re the only one who likes that,” Harry says, scrunching his nose. “Don’t be mank.”

They fall into a comfortable silence; the fire crackled in the background.

Harry broke it. “Megs – “

“I just hate her, mate.” Megan says. “There’s fuck all else I can say, H.”

He sighs. “Love you.”

“Love you too.”

_

Once Megan was at Jessica’s, babysitting because Dad was out. Libby came round and they ate crisps that Libby had nicked from the Foxes and completely ignored Ollie, which seemed reasonable but Ollie whined so Libby played footie with him in the kitchen.

When Libby left in the evening, Ollie looked at her with his big, blue eyes and Megan felt an overwhelming sense of injustice, for Ollie, for her.

She should have said something.

She just went to her bedroom.

_

Libby and Luke get back with wood stacks in their hands, drop them in a pile next to the fire. Luke drops himself next to Harry, his back leaning on Harry’s shoulder.

“You all right?” Libby says, sitting next to Megan, wrapping her arms around her, tight, for a second.

“Yeah.” Megan says, leaning against Libby. “I think I’m fine.”

Libby twists around and reaches up to play with Megan’s hair. “You know I’m always gonna be here, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Megan says, quietly. She doesn’t want to wake Harry and Luke, who are asleep, leaning against each other. “I do.”

Libby kisses her hair and catches Megan’s hand.

“I should go see my brother.” Megan says, softly.

Libby looks at her. “Yeah?”

She swallows. “You’ll be here when I get back, yeah?”

Libby’s eyes are bright and clear in the firelight. She reaches over to tuck Megan’s hair behind her ear. “Course I will.”

**Author's Note:**

> xx eve
> 
> tumblr: [jordpickford](http://jordpickford.tumblr.com/)


End file.
